


And all I've tried to hide (It's eating me apart)

by Nutella_enthusiast



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Closeted Character, F/F, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-03
Updated: 2014-12-03
Packaged: 2018-02-27 23:19:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,995
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2710349
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nutella_enthusiast/pseuds/Nutella_enthusiast
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><i>"Hey, Niall, right? I don't think I've ever seen you at one of these," came a voice from his right, and Niall almost fainted. Liam Payne - </i>the <i>Liam Payne, captain of the football team, star cross country runner, homecoming king and general school heartthrob was standing next to him, drinking the same beer as him, talking to him, and if that wasn't enough, he actually knew Niall's name. Niall was starting to think that maybe this party thing wasn't such a bad idea after all.</i></p>
            </blockquote>





	And all I've tried to hide (It's eating me apart)

**Author's Note:**

> Oh man I don't even know if this makes sense and I haven't read over it or anything  
> I started it like a year ago idk I'm just trying to get rid of all my old drafts so here's some jock!liam/nerd!Niall for you

Niall was never really one for parties. They were alright he supposed, and it's not like he didn't like drinking - he was Irish after all, he had some stereotypes he needed to uphold - it's just that he'd much rather spend the evening alone with his best friend Harry and maybe a beer or two. It was the crowds that really got to him, the giant groups of people jumping up and down and shouting and screaming and trying to dance and shoving him around and making him feel kind of claustrophobic and generally uncomfortable.

Harry may have been more popular than Niall, but that didn't actually make him popular by any stretch of the imagination, so to say that Niall had been surprised when he had somehow managed to get them into this party would be a bit of an understatement. He agreed to go though, only because he was completely incapable of saying no to anything Harry asked him for. And that's how he ended up spending his Friday night at Zayn Malik of all people's house, standing awkwardly in a corner, clutching a cup of warm, flat beer to his chest.

"Hey, Niall, right? I don't think I've ever seen you at one of these," came a voice from his right, and Niall almost fainted. Liam Payne - _the_ Liam Payne, captain of the football team, star cross country runner, homecoming king and general school heartthrob was standing next to him, drinking the same beer as him, talking to him, and if that wasn't enough, he actually knew Niall's name. Niall was starting to think that maybe this party thing wasn't such a bad idea after all.

"Uh, no, I'm, er, not really much for parties," stuttered Niall, mentally slapping himself. He's just a boy, he told himself. You can do this. You talk to boys all the time.

But Liam Payne was anything but just a boy. He was the boy that Niall (and probably at least half of the rest of the student body) had been crushing on since the moment he first laid eyes on him on the first day of the sixth form. But Liam was taken, in a relationship with Danielle Peazer, the co-captain of the cheer squad.

"Oi, Liam, get your perky little ass over here, Zayn's gonna try to do a kegstand!"

Liam laughed, and Niall was sure he could hear a chorus of angels singing. "Well, I better go," he said, jerking his head towards where his friend Louis' voice had come from. "But, uh, you should come to more of these. Parties I mean. If you're not busy."

He disappeared into the crowd before Niall could say anything, but it's not like he could string together a coherent sentence at the moment anyways.

He chugged the rest of his beer in one go, staring after the brunette in disbelief. He wasn't completely sure if that had actually happened, or if this was all just a very realistic dream. Although he was pretty sure that if it was a dream, he wouldn't be slightly sticky and reeking of the beer that Luke Hemmings had spilled all over him an hour or so previously. Well, he might be slightly sticky, but if he was, it would be for an entirely different reason. He shook his head and took a step away from the wall. He needed another beer. He needed to find Harry. Mostly, he just needed a quiet room to sit and think for a minute.

The blonde put down his now empty cup on the first shelf he saw and slipped away down a hallway, hoping for a moment that Liam wouldn't come back to find him missing, before shaking his head again and sighing. Liam Payne was not going to care if Niall left the place on the wall that he'd been standing at for the last half hour. Liam Payne wasn't event going to notice if Niall left the place on the wall that he'd been standing at for the last half hour.

Niall slipped through a closed door at the end of the hall, closing it quietly behind him and taking a deep breath, giving his eyes a moment to adjust to the darkness. Once he got used to it he glanced around the room, only to be greeted by the sight of a couple making out on the bed.

He backed up until he collided with the solid wooden door behind him, making a dull thump. Fumbling blindly for the doorknob, he tried to make a quick escape before either of them noticed him, but he was not that lucky.

The girl laying on top spun around at the noise, a horrified look on her face, and Niall immediately realized why. Eleanor Calder had been dating Louis Tomlinson for almost two years now, but Louis was definitely in the kitchen at the moment. So who was she with? His question was answered almost as soon as he thought it though, when Danielle Peazer sat up, makeup smeared and hair messy, pulling up her shirt. "What's going on babe?" she slurred, clearly pretty drunk, trying to pull Eleanor back down onto the bed. "I told you, no one ever comes in here. You need to loosen up a little." 

Eleanor was still frozen, eyes wide like a deer in headlights, and Niall might have found it slightly comical if he wasn't trying to figure out what exactly was going on. Danielle and Eleanor. It almost fit in a strange way, and for some reason all he could think of was Brittany and Santana from Glee. He wondered if that made Louis or Liam Artie and almost let out a hysterical giggle.

"I could loosen you up babe," said Danielle, still not realizing that Niall was there, sliding her hand onto Eleanor's hip, under the hem of her shirt, and Niall really did let out a giggle now, not really sure how else to react.

"Fuck, shit, Dani stop," said Eleanor, jumping into action all at once and pushing the dark haired girl's hand off of her stomach.

Danielle glanced up and her eyes met Niall's, a look of horror on her face to rival Eleanor's, and Niall's sweaty palm finally found the doorknob. "Niall, wait!" shouted Eleanor, but he was already out the door and on his way down the hall.

He stopped at the doorway into the kitchen and took a deep breath. He and Eleanor may have been friendly, but he definitely wouldn't say they were friends, and Danielle had never been nice to him. He had no loyalty to either of them, but on the other hand, if he told someone, this could end two relationships.

Niall would've liked to have said that he made his decision because he knew it was the right thing to do, but he was pretty sure that if Liam hadn't been involved he would've just left them to work it out themselves. He felt most comfortable out of the spotlight, watching from the wings so to speak, but all he could hear as he stood by the wall was Harry's voice telling him that he needed to take a chance and live a little. Sure, he only said that to convince Niall to drive him to the party, but Niall figured it applied anyways. 

"Liam," he said quietly, walking up behind the football captain, who was currently cheering on his best friend. Liam didn't respond. "Liam," he said again, louder this time, and the taller boy turned around.

"Oh, hey Niall," he said, grinning. "You want to get in on this?" He moved out of the way so Niall could stand next to him, but the blonde shook his head.

"No, I have to talk to you." He looked around to make sure no one was listening and added, "in private."

"Now?" asked Liam.

"It's kind of an emergency."

Liam sighed but followed Niall back down the hall and out the back door. Niall closed the door behind him, cutting off the chants of, "Chug! Chug! Chug!" and the pounding music, and pulled his sweater closer around him. It was below freezing outside, and if they piles of glittering snow surrounding them were anything to go by, it wasn't going to be warming up any time soon. It looked for a moment like Liam was about to offer Niall his letterman jacket, but then thought better of it.

"What's going on?" he asked instead, looking a little worried at the serious look on Niall's face.

"It's, uh, it's Danielle. I walked in on her and Eleanor... Together."

"Yeah, and?" asked Liam, staring at him in confusion for a moment before a look of comprehension appeared on his face. "Oh, fuck," he said, sinking to the ground and putting his head in his hands. "I told them to be careful, not to do anything in public, I thought they listened to me."

"What?" asked Niall, taking a step back. This is not how he expected this conversation to go.

"Just go," said Liam, running a hand through his already messy hair. "Tell everyone. I know you want to."

"Liam, there's a reason I came to you about this," said Niall, sitting down next to him. "I'm not going to tell anyone if you don't want me to."

"Why not?" asked Liam, looking up at the blonde boy, and Niall was shocked to see tear tracks running down his cheeks. "You could ruin me."

"Why would I want to ruin you?"

"Niall, I'm the most popular guy in school."

Niall scoffed. "Modest too."

"I know how Max and those other guys treat you, and I don't do anything to stop it. Why wouldn't you want me to feel the same way you do?"

"They're just stupid bullies, I don't care what they say about me. I'm not ashamed of who I am."

"Seems like you're the only one."

"What are you-" Niall began to ask, but he was cut off by a pair of lips on his. It was better than he could have ever imagined. Liam's lips were soft but firm under his, and he kissed back with fervor for a moment before realizing what was happening and pulling away.

"Liam, stop, you're confused."

"I've been dating a lesbian for a year and a half to hide the fact that I'm gay, I'm pretty sure I know what I want."

Niall's first thought was that this must mean that Liam was Karofsky, making Danielle Santana, and him Kurt, and he mentally cursed Harry for always making him watch Glee with him. He stopped his comparison there though, because that would've made Harry Blaine, and the both the thought of Liam being Karofsky and of being even slightly interested in Harry thoroughly repulsed him.

He took a step back slowly, trying to process everything that he was finding out and still seem somewhat composed. "Liam, I understand that you want to experiment with a guy or something, but... I just can't be that for you. I'll see you on Monday."

He took a few more steps back, spun on his heel and ran back into the house, ignoring Liam's shouts from behind him.

When he finally found Harry, his friend was sitting in a circle of football players, playing some weird drinking card game and telling one of his stupid stories that was only funny if you were drunk. 

"Harry," he said, amongst gales of drunken laughter from the other boys in the circle. "We have to go."

"Now?" asked Harry, pouting. "But we just started another hand."

"Now." said Niall through gritted teeth. "I'm going out to the car. If you're not there in 5 minutes I'm leaving without you."

Harry sighed but got to his feet, giving his cards to a tennis player named Ashton and following Niall towards the door. "Bye guys," he said, waving happily, already back to his usual annoyingly chipper self. "Next Saturday?"

Niall was out the door before he got a chance to hear anyone's response, doing his best to not think about the gorgeous, confused and vulnerable boy that he'd left on the back porch.

********

Niall had become a veritable master at noticing everything Liam did in the three classes they shared, but never had Liam seemed more visible to Niall than that Monday. He sat one row forward and two rows to the right of Niall in their English class, which was the perfect angle for Niall to look at him but still be able to glance quickly out the window if he looked back, but Liam apparently had no problem with Niall noticing him staring. He put his feet up on the desk in front of him, crossed his arms over his black tank top, and stared at Niall like he was something he wanted to eat, until the teacher shouted at him to pay attention. He did the same thing in their next two classes, and by lunch Niall felt uncomfortable in his own skin, and ready to snap.

He was sitting with Harry at their usual lunch table, picking at his sandwich morosely, when Liam slid onto the bench beside him.

"So then I-" Harry stopped midsentence. "Uh. Hi Liam."

"Alright Harry, Niall?" said Liam, pulling his lunch out of his bag. He offered no explanation, just pulled out a sandwich and started eating, smiling and waving at Louis and Zayn when they walked into the room. They gave Liam matching confused looks, but eventually turned away from their usual table and came to join him.

"Styles, Horan, how's it going?" asked Louis, sitting down beside Harry as if this was something that happened every day.

Harry smiled and started talking about something funny that happened in his third period, leaving Niall free to continue to pick at his sandwich and furiously avoid eye contact with Liam. He was ready to just escape into a blissfully Liam free afternoon when Liam grabbed him by the arm the minute the bell rang, pulling him into the bathroom with him.

"What the fuck?"

"Look, Niall, about the party. I didn't get a chance to-"

"I'm not going to tell anyone, if that's what you were worried about," said Niall, crossing his arms over his chest.

"That not-"

"You need to fucking stop this Liam."

"I don't - stop what?"

Niall groaned and resisted the urge to roll his eyes. "This," he said, gesturing vaguely. "The staring, the following me around, the giving me false fucking hope."

"I'm not- Niall, I'm trying to tell you I like you!"

"You're- what? Since when?"

"Remember when you played that song on your guitar for that school festival?"

Niall froze. "Liam, that was like... Three years ago."

The bell rang again, signaling the start of their next class, but neither boy moved.

"Yeah, I know."

Niall wasn't sure when they got so close to each other, and he wanted nothing more than to close the gap between their mouths, to kiss Liam like his life depended on it, but he just barely stopped himself.

"I... I can't be your dirty little secret."

"My... Niall - wait!" he shouted, but Niall was already out the door.

*********

When the guitar chords started playing in the cafeteria the next day, Niall thought nothing of it. It was almost prom season, and even if this seemed a little early, boys had been known to ask their girlfriends to prom as early as April. So he ignored it until the boy playing guitar started singing, both the voice and the words hauntingly familiar.

"Let me know that I've done wrong  
When I've known this all along  
I go around a time or two  
Just to waste my time with you."

Niall looked up from his sandwich to see Liam, guitar clutched tightly, staring directly at him.

"Tell me all that you've thrown away  
Find out games you don't wanna play  
You are the only one that needs to know."

Niall knew the song, recognized the words, could probably have even sung along if he wanted, but he couldn't quite place it until Liam started singing the chorus.

"I'll keep you my dirty little secret  
Dirty little secret  
Don't tell anyone or you'll be just another regret  
Just another regret, hope that you can keep it  
My dirty little secret"

Niall looked at Liam in shock, mouth hanging open as Liam kept singing, making his way across the cafeteria until he was standing right in front of Niall and Harry's table, smiling tentatively. It wasn't until he reached the chorus for a second time that Niall managed to react, breaking into great big belly laughs that left his whole body shaking, not sure how else he was even supposed to react. Liam's voice faltered as he moved into the next verse, but Niall grinned, and nodded for him to keep going.

"Who has to know  
The way he feels inside  
Those thoughts I can't deny  
These sleeping thoughts won't lie  
And all I've tried to hide  
It's eating me apart  
Trace this life out

I'll keep you my dirty little secret  
Dirty little secret  
Don't tell anyone or you'll be just another regret  
Just another regret, hope that you can keep it  
My dirty little secret  
Dirty little secret  
Dirty little secret

Who has to know  
Who has to know."

Liam finished, and there were a few odd claps throughout the room, but most people stayed silent, waiting to hear what Liam said next.

"Um. You told me you didn't want to be my dirty little secret. So, uh, will you go on a date or something with me?"

Niall couldn't help but laugh again. "A date or something?"

Liam blushed. "I mean, uh-"

Niall cut him off, grabbing the front of his shirt and pulling him close, kissing him fiercly. The room burst into applause around them, but all Niall could hear or feel was Liam.


End file.
